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Life Of Gbenga Episode 5: Chicks On Facebook Be Like

As he scrolled down his newsfeed, his eyes rested on a certain girl’s post.

Nice pic, he mused, noticing the three hundred and twenty likes the photo had gotten.

He read through the comments to observe all those mumu boys that had turned themselves into online worshippers.

The girl no fit even like una comments sef, he muttered to himself.

She wore shades in most of the photos and the majority of them were black and white.

He clicked on her name to view her profile and chuckled when he noted that Dayo was a mutual friend. But sha this chick soft die, he said and sent her a friend request.


O boy, my subscription don run down oo, he thought as he switched off his data connection and flung his phone on the bed.

He quickly ran into the bathroom and used a towel to sprinkle water on his face, hands, legs and armpits.

He took time to wash his hair very well but tried as much as possible to let little water touch his skin.

His hydrophobia always kicked in on cold harmattan mornings like this.

As he strolled back into his room, scrubbing his wet hair with his purple towel, his phone rang. He picked it up and chuckled.

“Dayo hafa na. I think say na nine’ o clock your species dey fit wake up.”

“Guy, I don reach class and you gat to be here. The man won set another test oo.” Dayo replied.

Gbenga almost choked “this Mr Ifeanyi na winsh oo. Abi him wife no dey let am pierce punani?”

Dayo laughed “guy just dey run dey come.”

Gbenga grumbled and rubbed his stomach. Now he would be forced to miss breakfast again. Na normal thing sha.

As he hurried towards the faculty, he glanced at the ‘bross men’ that lingered around, sitting on the verandas or balconies, the perennial undergraduates.

What would he do if for some reason, he realized he was never going to graduate, after all the blood and sweat?

Such thoughts made him grateful for the chance to complain about demons like Mr Ifeanyi or the difficulty of school.

Simply because complaining was better than having no hope at all. 

 As he got closer to the car park, he buried his face in his phone, trying to send a watsapp message to Dayo.

He mistakenly bumped into someone and lifted his head. It was some chick.

“Babe, I’m so sorry.” He said.

She did that mumu thing girls like to do when they squeeze their face, shrug and say “whatever,” as she hurried on ahead.

He glanced back at her, noting how slim and tiny she was, totally not his type. Who she come dey form for now? He mused.

Later in the afternoon, he strolled back with Dayo as he racked his brain over the group work Mr Ifeanyi gave them. 

 “I hear say na you be the group leader.” Dayo teased.

Gbenga hissed “I nor just know which kind bad luck be this oo. Like say I get power to dey chase group members up and down. As in eh, for my life, I hate group work.”

Dayo laughed “my own na Onome be the group leader.”

“Your own make sense na. Onome na suffer head before. See people when them give me self…” Gbenga said, pulling a sheet of paper from his pocket “who be Yvonne Ndubuisi? I never take eye see anybody like this for our set oo.”

Dayo laughed again “Na absentee student. O boy you dey hear wetin government dey talk about MMM?”

Gbenga went quiet “nor mind all those shameless robbers, bone go hook them for throat if them continue to dey eye that scheme.”

As soon as they got back to his room, Gbenga tossed his bag on the bed and went to the fridge.

He took a chilled can of malt and ignored Dayo’s stare.

“Toss one here na. Why you dey fool yourself?” Dayo said, untying his shoes.

Gbenga sat down on his studying chair and scrolled through his phone.

He frowned when he saw a notification that read Yvonne has accepted your friend request.

Oh yea, the girl, whose profile, he’d been admiring this morning. Not one to waste time, he sent a ‘hi’, pleased to see that she also happened to be online.

After waiting for a few moments for a reply, he went off to go through his watsapp chats.

Florence had sent him eight messages now. Stuff he would never bother to read, not after how she’d behaved that day.

Dayo’s phone started ringing. “Hello, who is this?” he asked, picking the call.

“Oh…” he said scratching his head, “yea…yea…” he kept nodding his head “that’s a very good idea. This is your number right? Alright, thanks. I’ll inform the rest.” He said and dropped the phone.


“Na Onome be that oo.” He said to Gbenga “oya take a leaf from her. Start calling your members.” Dayo teased.

Gbenga hissed as he returned to Facebook only to see that although the message showed ‘seen’, the chick was yet to reply. “See your mouth, make I call my members like say I be pastor when dey find offering.” Gbenga muttered to Dayo.

He sent her another message. Something like “Hey watsup with you? Can we chat please?”

This time she replied with a “who is this? Do I know you?”

“I’m Gbenga, a Uniben student.” He replied “I don’t think you know me but um, that’s why we’re chatting so that we can get acquainted.”

“Why?” she replied.

Gbenga frowned and scratched his head. Which one come be why, he mused. “Emm…well, I saw your pics, liked them. So I decided, hmm let me get to know this chick. That’s why.” He replied.

“k” she replied.

“So…you’re in Uniben right? Which faculty?” he asked.

She read the message…started typing….continued typing…and then went offline.

Four days later as he was scrolling down his chats, getting ready for school, she sent him a reply.

He just stared at the unopened chat, considering the option of ignoring it because she’d been online several times throughout the past four days but never bothered to reply him until today.

But curiosity got the upper hand and he opened the message.

“Social science,” the message read.

His mind was preoccupied with the impending group meeting he was to preside over this morning.

The more he thought of it, the more his reluctance grew.

Why on earth did that old man make him the group leader? He wondered. Returning from his musings he glanced at the chat again, wondering what to tell her.

“Well, that’s one thing we have in common. Do you by any chance happen to know and hate a certain Lecturer named Mr Ifeanyi? That would make us a perfect fit.” He replied.

She read the message and started to reply. Great, she’s finally ready to interact, he mused. She took almost ten minutes typing and then finally replied.

You’d think that with all the time she spent, she wrote a full paragraph or something but no. Her reply was just three letters….’lol’.

He kept staring at his phone screen, expecting her to type something else but that was all. After waiting for a while, he sent another message like “so…do you know the man? Mr Ifeanyi?”

She replied with another three letter word ‘hmm.”

Which one is hmm? Was that a yes or no? He dropped the phone. It was either the chick was retarded or she was just fucking with him. He angrily took a bath and hurried out of his room.

His irritation seemed to dissipate as he briskly walked towards the faculty.

But it returned again when he looked towards the iron benches in front of the orchard and sighted some of his set mates already awaiting him.

He put on the best fake smile he could think of. He didn’t know why he bothered though, most people by now already knew of his legendary short temper.

“Morning guys, watsup with you all?” he said and shook their hands, mentally noting that two members were yet to arrive.

Everyone soon settled on the seats and began to stare at him.

He clapped his hands together and cleared his throat. “Well, we’re looking at the effect of the current fiscal policies and how well they have been able to mitigate the growing inflationary…”

Some chick briskly walked up to them and muttered “morning everyone.”

He nodded to her, noting that she looked kind of familiar.

“Yvonne, na now you dey come abi?” Deborah said and pulled Yvonne to sit on her laps because there was no space.


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I’m just Samuel, bony faced, laidback, absentminded Samuel. I don’t like to say much, I try to stay out of trouble. Some might say otherwise but that's some for you. Point is we don’t care, let’s just be chill and have fun. So come by whenever and ask me whatever.  It’s our party now and it won't start until your arrival.

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